Stoneheart

Today..

It was only half jokingly she told him that he was stone hearted. He laughed.. knowing well that it was by the medium of jokes that bitter truth was most easily conveyed. He had recently finished (in1day).. a hindi novel which was supposed to be very emotionally taxing..but he was barely touched, forget about being moved. He went to see an emotional movie (Baabul) with his parents, but the only happiness or sadness felt was felt in winning or losing points in playing Sherlock Holmes with his dad...they would predict moves, intentions, and even dialogues of the screen characters...were always right..it was only a matter of who deduced things first. He laughed and hugged his mum when she came out crying from the movie. Had he really become feeling-less and stone hearted? His mind went back to a few days ago....

That day..

He sat on a pavement, near the Gold Souk building in Gurgaon..waiting for a senior to pick him up. Suddenly a searing stab of pain shot through his head. His eyes burned as tears welled up in them..and he found himself crying bitterly.. as bitterly as he had ever cried.. in a matter of seconds. During such fits, he observed, he could think very clearly, his mind would be detached, he could think clearly and analyse why he was crying... the chain of events which had triggered this outburst. Maybe thats why people feel good after crying... thoughts become clearer. But all this had no effect on his actions.

He let out a yelp of pure pain. His detached mind wondered how others would feel if they saw him this way. How would she feel? He, among the bravest, proudest among them, an inspiration, reduced to a pitiable sight.. in a few moments, without any apparent reason. His thoughts went to her again.. in a perverted sort of way, he would like her to see him this way..but of course, he would never let that happen. He needed a hug right now..a shoulder to cry on.

But he was alone. Could not meet the senior in such a state. He quickly took out the scraps of paper from his pocket.. they were his solace in times of solitary pain. He started solving math puzzles.. magic squares, numbers soothed his mind.. made his thinking much clearer.. magical indeed. He was okay now.

Back to Today..

He had not felt much for the characters in the novel or the movie. If this was being stone hearted, he was happy that way. He now always carried some puzzles at the back of his mind.. to work on whenever he found his mind going astray. He wanted to stop giving a damn for people. Why did he think he had to protect his friends? Were they not well enough without him? Why did he think he was indispensable? Everything passes.. was that not the ultimate philosophical axiom? But feeling is what makes us human..he thought... but if being human means being weak...he wanted none of it..he was the strongest..the hard headed.. the stone hearted.. idealistic..and feeling-less.. and with these thoughts of strength.. he drowned the feelings of the pain within.